Do You Feel Your Successes As A Nurse Leader Are Never Enough?
It’s easy to slip into this place. Although your successes feel good, it feels like they are never enough.
Your workdays are dominated by high-impact demands:
- Patients backing up in the emergency department waiting room
- Staffing that requires “Robbing Peter to pay Paul”
- Reviewing endless adverse events
In addition, Societal Trends Trap Us
This statement by Friedemann Schaub sums up our current day leadership experience:
The demands of modern society have trained us to constantly comply, compete, and compare through external perspectives, judgments, and validation.
Life is no longer considered a journey—it has become a competition, a race, with no apparent reward or finish line to reach.
This externally focused way of living has been accelerated by the omnipresent media, increased societal pressures, and new ways of communicating that prevent us from taking the time to relax and develop a relationship with ourselves.
Consequently, we feel increasingly pulled out of our center and lose touch with our authentic selves.
We so easily get trapped in trying to fit in and competing, and less on focusing on our sense of purpose.
How Our Negative Self-Talk Is Trying To Protect Us! Really?
More from F. Schaub: Most of our self-talk stems from our subconscious mind. The purpose of those self-bashing, anxiety-triggering thoughts is not to hurt us or make us feel bad about ourselves.
The purpose of this inner voice is ultimately to protect us.
When we listen to our negative monologue, we may hear echoes of our childhood. Do you hear your mother, father? Our subconscious mind replays those tapes from the past to prevent us from having to endure failure, hurt, or rejection. The intent of these tapes is to make you want to be invisible and to avoid being a target of criticism.
How Self-Compassion Grows from This Voice of Self-Protection
When you recognize that this anxious and self-demeaning voice from within is there to protect you from pain and suffering, you gain more acceptance, compassion, and even appreciation for this subconscious part of yourself. This voice is just trying to keep you safe and alive.
Yes, this self-protector is stuck in the past, and it’s our job now to update that self-talk and Heal
A Healing Journey Exercise
The following exercise helps you to interrupt the downward spiral of negative self-talk in 3 Steps.
- Step 1 – First notice and write down your negative thoughts as they bubble up from the depths of your subconsciousness. You don’t even have to think about them. They’re there. By paying attention, you already connect to that inner self that needs attention.
- Step 2 – Engage in a reality check and ask yourself these three questions:
- Is this thought true?
- Does this thought make me feel good?
- Does this thought help me reach my goals?
- Step 3 – Now redirect the negative thought with three positive, counterbalancing thoughts.
- Instead of “I’m not enough”, acknowledge successes, “I have succeeded in X, Y, & Z”. “My actions are always guided by good intentions.” “I learn and grow from each experience.”
- Instead of ” … this could fail”, Acknowledge that “at this moment all is well.” “I have been anxious before, and things have worked out.” “I have the inner resources to deal with anything that comes my way.”
- Schaub suggests we do this exercise 5-6 per day.
Here’s to Self Appreciation in Every Moment.
And Love for that Childhood Voice that is Just Trying to Help ….